Over the years, I’ve come to respect the art of networking.

But as an introvert, it took me some time to get here. Like most people, I tended to stick closely to people who looked like me and thought like me – in other words, Black women, other women of color, or women in general. Birds of a feather, yada, yada. It turns out I wasn’t entirely wrong in my thinking. The Harvard Business Review tells us, “When you network with colleagues like you or near you, you create an echo chamber which circulates only the same ideas about the same opportunities.”

I avoided those who made me feel like a fish out of water (i.e., white guys). Middle-aged white guys specifically. Although I’d grown up in a predominantly white suburban environment, as I got older, I thought I had fewer and fewer things in common with white businessmen, which quite frankly, was a problem because I was surrounded by such gentlemen, because you know, at the time, white guys ruled the world. So, feeling uncomfortable around them, was … well, counterproductive.

Who among us hasn’t avoided going to work-related cocktail parties for fear of not knowing what to say? Or being The Only (Black, woman, or a double whammy – a Black woman) in a conference room full of white guys and afraid to raise your hand to question anything being discussed because you recognize you’re already outnumbered, not just in quantity but in perspective as well? But when you’re trying to ascend that corporate ladder, who can afford to get cozy in an echo chamber that excludes 98% of the decision-makers? Nobody! But especially not Black women.

That’s why I eventually accepted the notion that narrowing my circle of influence to only women was detrimental to my career. And so, as with any obstacle I encounter, I intentionally set about to change my reality to one that worked better for me.  I set a 12-month time frame, deemed it “The Year of the White Guy,” and made a spreadsheet delineating the type of white guys I needed more of in my life and how to go about meeting them. Essentially, I filled my “networking gap.” 

The Networking Gap

is “the advantage individuals have as a result of who they know and how they know them.”

The networking gap is “the advantage individuals have as a result of who they know and how they know them.” I should explain that the networking gap can also encompass how factors like racial or gender bias, economic advantage and disadvantage, or barriers to education prevent individuals from getting the jobs they deserve and desire. Given this distinction, we can see that depending on your current situation, it might be tough to close this gap. However, when you do, you expand your opportunities. 

Thankfully, some employers have an increased awareness of this networking gap and are actively taking strides to seek out individuals – rather than rely on a web of established connections – and grab great hires. But you can’t rely on your employer to do the hard work for your professional gain. Create and develop your own strategy. 

My 12-month spreadsheet included activities such as:

• Identifying organizations I could join that would give me greater access to my mystery men. 
• A minimum of two lunches or designated phone calls each month with guys I worked with every day, but had never taken the time to get to know. 
• Attending at least three after-work events that I would have otherwise avoided.

My “Year of the White Guy” yielded a fabulous return on investment. I gained access to some rooms that I wouldn’t have known to even enter. I joined a non-profit board that was comprised of primarily middle-aged, white male attorneys (Could I have anything less in common with a group?) and a professional association where I volunteered to co-lead the Civics Committee along with yet another middle-aged, white male attorney. It was one of the best professional years of my life.  

It sounds like a cliché but when you focus on what you have in common with others, your comfort level shifts. I began to feel more comfortable in situations where previously I felt excluded or “othered.” Waiting for others to notice you, or for the dynamics of your professional circle to shift on its own, is an effort in futility.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.”  

So, perhaps now is the time to create your own “Year of the Fill in the Blank” while maintaining all the other important connections you’ve already created – and watch yourself soar.